Earlier this week I sat down with a good friend of mine who is a published author. We are going to work together to write the story of our adoptions. This has been heavy on my heart for more than two years now. I think often to the passage in Ezekiel which has Yahweh speaking to Ezekiel and telling him to go and warn the people to repent or else. Yahweh tells Ezekiel that if he does what Yahweh tells him to do, and the people refuse to obey, then their blood is on their own heads. However, if Ezekiel does not tell them, then their blood is on Ezekiel’s head.
With that story playing in my head I know I have to write this story. I don’t want to. I really don’t want to dredge up all of the pain again. In July when “A” moved out for good I thought, “OK then, I can move on and enjoy my life again.” Easier said than done. Too much trauma for too long on too many members of my family. So the past six months have been filled with healing. And forgiveness. And dealing with so many hurts. And lots and lots of prayer.
To say that I’m back to normal would be a lie. I’m pretty sure the normal that I was has disappeared for good. It was stolen by the enemy. However, I believe Yahweh when He says that He can turn all things to good for His purposes so I trust Him that the new normal will be better than before. So that’s what we are working toward in our home.
Every day I read another post on my Facebook about adoption, or hosting, or fostering. Each time I read one the passage above hits my gut. I know I have to write our story. For several reasons.
As a warning. There is much, much more to adoption than doing what Yahweh wants, doing the right thing and/or saving a child/teen. The system is broken. Badly. Prospective adoptive parents need to go into this with ALL of the facts. ALL of the potential ramifications on themselves and their families. ALL of the alphabet soup of possible hidden diagnoses like FASD, RAD and the like. Terms we didn’t even know existed prior to adopting. Yes, we were naive and clueless.
Support for families in the trenches. Support from their extended families (who many times make issues worse), church families (who many times do the same) and government agencies, who turn horrible situations into nightmares because they are not knowledgeable about the above terms and treat adoptive children/teens as if they are “normal” so automatically place parents as the wrongdoers in abuse situations. Parents are treated “guilty until proven innocent” by our police and court systems, including agencies designed to protect children but having no concept that children/teens hurt parents.
And lastly, as an agent for change. A resource for families in trouble to use to show they are not crazy, abusive or a bad parent. To shed light on the adoption world and shake things up – a lot. I cannot in good conscience sit back and let one more family raise money and put themselves in deep debt to “save an orphan” only to have biological children removed from their home, them put into prison for abuse and a family destroyed without at least warning them of the potential hazards.
For those of you who have not read my previous posts please know that I am not against orphans. I believe Yahweh when He says to take care of the widows and the orphans. I believe there is a better way to do just that. I believe we can do that without damaging families in the process.
If you are a family who has or is going through trauma due to adoption (foreign or domestic, child or teen) and you would like to contribute your story, or parts of it, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. No names with be shared and only general information will be used to protect both the families and adoptive children/teens. You can help make a difference.