National Adoption Month

As many of you know November is National Adoption Month. As a mom who has adopted four this really hits home. Many of you know our story, which I wrote about in my book Adoption Combat Zone. For those of you who don’t know our story…well…get my book.
 
I know there are many good adoption stories. I am not anti-adoption. I am into TRUTHFUL adoption. I am into PROTECTING great families who simply wanted to make a difference in the life of a child or teenager and who are living a life turned upside down because of that decision.

My family has been completely changed by adoption. Now that we are more than two years past the trauma I can see how some good has come of it but I constantly ask myself if it was worth it. We brought four trauma teens into our home thinking we could make a difference for them but instead ended up with our two bio teens traumatized. The heavy burden of guilt is very real on this mama.

I advocate for TRUTH in adoption. From hosting organizations (there was a boy on a hosting list I came across last week who had previously molested children but who was being touted as a wonderful little boy for someone’s family) to adoption agencies who approve unrealistic adoptions (such as ours where they allowed us to adopt four teenagers – unrelated – who were all older than our youngest bio daughter) to the MEDIA who romanticize adoptions and to our CHURCHES who promote adoption and hosting yet are unwilling to support families once everything goes horribly wrong and finally to CPS and the COURTS who pounce on adoptive families and find them guilty of wrongdoing without any proof except the word of an adoptive child or teen who is mentally unstable and unable to process consequences (like a mom who is currently in jail awaiting trial for abuse who never touched her teen but was simply keeping a phone from her so she wouldn’t go on porn sites on the internet).  

TRUTH! Parents are being abused. Bio children and teens are being abused. Bio children are being removed from the home and parents being charged with abuse and neglect. All because of lies told by adoptive children and teens who are determined to get what they want and who refuse or are unable to integrate into the family unit. These are NOT isolated cases. I read about a new one every single day! Our family went through FOUR CPS investigations which began because one or more of our adopted teens got mad at us and decided to retaliate by making up a story about something we did to them. Twice because we took away phones they were not supposed to have. Twice because they did something wrong (caught stealing and physically abused me breaking my leg and covering my body with bruises) and they didn’t want to face the consequences. So common with adopted children and teens. 

National Adoption Month is a PTSD trigger for so many of us adopted parents. You are instantly transported back to that moment you decided to adopt and wish with all you have that you had made a different decision. A do-over. You wish you had known what was possible. I’ll just put it out there and say not only possible but PROBABLE! 

I know there are good stories of adoption. We have one of our four who is going to be one of those. However, had we spent a fraction of the money we did and instead helped him in his birth country even he says that would have been great!

You may have one of those good adoptions and if you do I’m over the moon happy for you! Please have grace on those of us who have found ourselves in the combat zone of adoption. We didn’t ask for this. We are NOT bad parents. We have tried EVERYTHING including the laundry list that people constantly put in front of us. We are simply people who wanted to make a difference and it was all dashed to pieces. And we are broken and hurt and feel guilty and cry all the time. And we want our lives and our families back to the way they were. And we see no light at the end of our very dark tunnel. And we are exhausted and tired of having the local police on speed dial. And of being accused by CPS and threatened with losing our precious children and teens because of lies being told about us. So please have some grace and love toward us. 

If you are thinking about adoption, or even hosting an orphan, please read my book, Adoption Combat Zone. It’s available on Amazon. It is filled with not only our story in bloody detail but stories from more than 350 other amazing families who have put their entire families on the line for adoption. At the very least you will have the knowledge you need to go into your decision with eyes wide open, which is something most of us never had.

If you are an adoptive parent living in your own combat zone please have your friends and family read the book so they can understand better what you live with daily. I wrote it for you. For this purpose. So you know you are not alone. That your situation is not an isolated one. You are not a bad parent. 

National Adoption Month. Maybe it will feel better next November. 

This is Simply My Opinion,
Kathe

www.adoptioncombat.zone
www.katheray.arbonne.com