A few days ago I finished reading the book of Job in the Bible. I’m working my way through the Bible again, this time with a special version which has a blank page inserted between every printed page. My special project is to have one of these Bibles for each of my children. On the blank pages I write personalized notes to them, bits of wisdom, and my mama advice to them. I write my thoughts about favorite verses. My hope is it will be something treasured by them far into the future. By the time I’m done I’ll have seven of them. And seven more times reading the Bible through. Double blessing.
Getting back to Job. I thought a lot about that book after finishing it. It brings up a huge question. Did Job do anything to cause his suffering or was it a test from Yahweh, or something or someone else? So much has been written on this subject; trying to figure it out. In the journal page of the Bible I wrote the following: What was the message of Job? What did Job miss? What did his friends miss? What am I supposed to learn from this book? What does He want me to learn? Or know?
I think the core message is that Yahweh is all powerful and all knowing and we just cannot comprehend some things that happen. Those of us who belong to Him have one mission and that is to trust Him NO MATTER WHAT is going on in our lives and to obey His Commands, again, NO MATTER WHAT. To praise Him in spite of circumstances and give Him the glory in all things!
In fact, looking through the lens of the Bible as a whole it is the history and future of a people called the Israelite’s and how they’ve trusted or not trusted Him, obeyed or not obeyed Him, and whether or not they’ve given Him the glory for what He has done vs. being prideful and making it all about themselves. No different then than it is today.
It’s all summed up in one word – Righteous, meaning “Right with Yahweh.” They were blessed when they trusted and obeyed, and cursed when they did not.
Trust + Obey + Praise + Glory = Righteous!
It’s the “No Matter What” part that makes it all so difficult. It’s pretty easy to praise Him when life is going our way. When our bank accounts are filled we can easily lift our hands to praise Him. Or when we get that job promotion we wanted we jump for joy. Or our children are healthy and bring home great report cards we celebrate.
It’s when things aren’t going so well that it gets a little sticky. Like when your adopted daughter gets right up in your face and tells you she hates you and never wanted to be adopted and she wishes you were dead. Or when your RAD adopted son, who you’ve helped out of more scrapes than ten teenagers, walks out the door saying sarcastically, “Thanks for adopting me, I’m leaving for another state,” and you sadly think to yourself, “That was snarky. I will probably never see him again. What a waste.” Or when your daughter who was molested is so broken and then you are broken watching her disintegrate before your very eyes.
That’s when the “No Matter What” stuff gets really hard. When the easy thing to do would be to scream at Him, “How could You let this happen?” How the heck am I supposed to praise You for THIS????
But that’s the whole point. Choosing the hard path. Trusting Him that everything is for a purpose. Trusting Him no matter what! Trusting Him that He can do ALL things. Meaning, He will make things right, for the purpose He has in mind. For the big picture, most of which we can’t see when we are in the midst of the trial.
Like this whole adoption mess. In spite of the trauma our family endured, we kept our eyes on the One who knows all things. Although I couldn’t figure out the why during the battles, now it is clear. To speak out against the atrocities happening to great families who have adopted and are now living in horror and who cannot speak out for one reason or another. To let them know they aren’t alone. That this is happening to thousands of families. To educate those who believe “You just need to love them more” or “You need to parent like this, or like that.” These children and teenagers are badly broken and love does not fix that kind of brokenness. These are amazing parents who put EVERYTHING on the line to help a child/teen have a future, a better life. They deserve support and love, not judgement from those who think they know better.
I wonder what has happened to empathy? There is an old saying about walking a mile in another persons shoes. It means before judging someone you must fully understand his experiences, challenges, thought processes, etc. Those who surround us who have adopted need to have that non-judgmental mindset. Before you judge us, do what we do every single day. Better yet, don’t judge us at all. Support us. Love on us. Trust us that we are doing everything possible to make this situation work.
In my book, Adoption Combat Zone, there is story after story of adoptive families becoming completely isolated due to judgement of family and friends. People who believe they know better than the ones living in the situation. People who feel they have a right to express their opinion on how the adoptive parents should be parenting.
STOP! Stop right now! These actions are contributing to the destruction of these families! You are hurting those who risked everything to make a difference in the life of a child!
And to those precious families I turn back to Job. Trust Yahweh with all you have, even if you only have only a little left in you right now. Trust Him in spite of your isolation and brokenness. Be that “No Matter What” person and trust Him on the worst of days. He brought our family through the war. And He is healing us now. Every day gets a little better. Some days there are setbacks, but we continue to trust. And there is beauty from the ashes.
Fellow adoptive parents you are always on my mind and in my prayers. I pray that you stand strong, no matter what!
Simply My Opinion,
Kathe
www.adoptioncombatzone.com
Instagram @adoptioncombatzone
Facebook @adoptioncombatzone